Our Grandparents is the part of our campaign where we support grandparents living with the forced loss of their relationship with their grandchild.
Based on our Savanta survey in 2022, we estimate that an eighth of the population aged 45+ are prevented from forming, developing and sustaining a relationship with their grandchild. This is significant.
Our typologies describe the situations grandchildren and their grandparents find themselves in.
Following the launch of the 'Grandparents United for Children' report in November 2023, our wider grandparent campaign ‘Our Grandparents’ includes our initial support work following that plus a broader set of self-help activities.
Our Grandparents is now part of the Grandchildren's Policy & Rights Centre alongside the upcoming Midlands Model ‘Grandchildren First’ pilots to inform policy and practice change, a scheduled Lobby Your MP programme to secure legal change, our Grandchild-to-Grandchild Doodle Letters production, and of course we continue with both grandparent and grandchild-related webinars’ programmes.
Critical to our mission is that we work with other organisations that support grandparents and we work with grandparents on the ground in lobbying for change in law, policy and practice in relation to our grandchildren and ourselves.
How can you get involved? Please register for an MP lobbying pack here, share the word and attend our webinars, get involved in one of our pilots schemes, or contact us here.
What you can do for... you
What you can do for.... your grandchild whilst waiting to reconnect
Create a memory box
This is a box of collected items that you and your family members will give to your grandchild when the time is right. It can be a shoe box, a personalised box, anything as long as it has their name on it. Include:
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birthday and celebrations' cards from all the family, perhaps including money as a gift if possible so they have something tangible (and useful!) from you in their future
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an 'All About Me' notebook from each grandparent, so they have something to help them get to re-know you. Along with photos of you, your home, your pets, etc, include your childhood memories, your job, you qualifications, your funny stories, things about your adult child in childhood e.g. hobbies, toys, character, funny stories
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an 'All About You' notebook for each grandchild, so that they have something to provoke their forcibly hidden memories. Similar to the above, along with photos include things you remember about them, what you did together, funny stories, etc
Make your home welcoming for your reconnecting grandchild
Depending on how often your grandchild visited or stayed, they will have varying memories of your home. Younger grandchildren will remember 'Nan with the blue front door' rather than an address. They will remember their toys at your house, their bedding or room, your outdoor space, and probably your red car too!
Where possible, keep their toys, bedding, bikes, etc - so that you provoke their visual memory and memories of comfort on re-contact.
Keep a photo of your adult child / child-in-law so that your grandchild has a point of reference and sees that you are able to see past your strained relationship with their parent for them.
If you have moved home, changed the car, or redecorated the front of your home, put their first name initials in your street-facing windows using craft shop papier mache letters sprayed in bright colours. This serves as both a welcome and an indication they have the right address should your older grandchildren venture to see you on their own.
Prepare for a 'different' grandchild
Your grandchild will have physically and psychologically changed since you last saw each other. This means you cannot pick up where you left off.
Be prepared for a grandchild that may have experienced great sadness, grief, anger, frustration, and possibly also hate. They will have a multitude of emotions that they may not have been well-supported with.
Your grandchild will not want to hear bad things about their parents (they are their child after all) or what happened in your fallout, but they will want to build a relationship with you on a forward-looking new connection. This is hard for grandparent and grandchild but is essential if you would like to re-establish and sustain your relationship with your grandchild.
Your grandchild, depending on their typology, will have likely found aspects of their upbringing difficult to understand, come to terms with, or will have been unsupported in their grief from losing you in their lives. Moving on from this in a supportive and non-blameful way is essential for your new relationship.
Find out what they like, enjoy, dislike, prioritise, or align with in life: and go with it.
After all, its all about the grandkids!